Curse of The Unavailable Man (A Knight To Forget!)

Ever feel like a damsel in distress lying in wait for your knight only for him to be too busy shining his armor? Have I got some tips for all of you choosing unavailable men...

It must be the most consistent trait I see in virtually every woman I have counseled; choosing Sir Lacks-a-lot!

(As you'll soon see, this phenomenon equally applies to many of my gay friends)

It's as if there's some kind of medieval dormant gene in your psyche that summons forth the Barren Knight to awaken. Of course, you don't see this most elusive hidden quality in yourselves, let alone your suitors, but you'll agree that it's a self-defeating pattern that always ends in tears.

Let's understand this nasty ancient curse.

An honest fair maiden eagerly awaits her soul mate to sweep her off her feet and over the threshold, only to discover that her knight is merely passing through, en route to his next joust. So many gauntlets... but few hands that fit. You would have thought that his iron-clad armor was enough...

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Clearing The Fog

If you were ever to find yourself at the cliff's edge on a foggy day, so thick you could barely see your hand in front of your face, and you realized that your next step would plunge you on to the rocks below - and in the next instant the fog cleared... wouldn't you instantly know what action to take?

Maybe you've become confused or disenchanted bythe empty promises of spiritual pathways, eager to change your life circumstance, plagued by fear and regret of missed opportunities or at a crossroads in your life and unsure which fork to take.

As your personal coach, I am available to do one-on-one private sessions and serve as your personal guide to help you make courageous decisions and changes in your life.

When the fog clears, we see vistas and landscapes that purge any fear, doubt, confusion or hesitation

If you feel the fog closing in around you and you're ready to move away from the cliff's edge, I honor you for your bravery to open your heart and mind to the landscape about to...

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God And A Treadmill

I recently had an illuminating session with a couple who have strongly opposing views of the world. Or so it seemed...

The question of the meaning of life comes up at least 3 times a day in my coaching work with clients these days. Maybe it's the current spate of natural disasters and global tragedies and seeming randomness and injustice of it all, but the question keeps coming - Why?

Far be it for me to be the authority on such matters, but I do believe that part of my role as coach and voice of reason is to help others make sense of the world around them. To that end, the matter of life's purpose must be readily accessible to all of us, rather than remain a perpetually ambiguous existential dilemma.

One Good Reason
We all need a good reason to leap out of bed in the morning...
A reason to smile,
Someone to serve,
A cause to fight for,
An object for our affection,
A task to strive for,
A purpose to fulfill,
A gift to bring to the world.

So, what is the source of meaning and how does God...

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A Glimpse

All it takes is a momentary vision for entire new frontiers to unfold before us. An instant captured, a glimpse.

This is all available. It has been for millennia. But you cannot go it alone. You must be invited, courted, guided.

I found such a guide and in the coming weeks, I will share my journeys with you.

There are days when all we see is what we know. Trapped in one-dimensional thinking, we cannot reach beyond our stretch, nor feel beneath our sensory cave. On these days, I ask for more.

This is what I heard...

A journey is a glimpse into what could be. The "work" is experiencing the reality where we can actually live it.

These are the poignant words of wisdom I recently received in guidance, as I diligently forged ahead through the Amazon of my over-intellectualized mind. How refreshing to know that there is another way to see, another way to think and another way to be. But, we can only get there through image-making.

It's probably why we are all so obsessed with movies that...

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Beware The Saboteur

Beware your inner Saboteur: he's that little bugger who will pull your own rug out, just as you take your final step of the victory lap.

It doesn't make sense, right? The stunning Super Model who has the world in the palm of her hand while she destroys herself with bulimia and a string of abusive boyfriends. The entrepreneur who throws away millions in a reckless wager in Vegas.

How about the recovering alcoholic with 20 years sobriety under his belt who relapses at his 20 year high school reunion?

They all have one thing in common... sabotage!

The origin of the word comes from 'sabot', a 17th Century french shoe worn by peasants who would throw them into the gears of machines to willfully destroy them. Sounds like a Provincial version of throwing the toys out of the pram!

Of course, we've become more discreet in our destruction these days: Failed diets, blowing the retirement money, playing hooky, flirting with the waitress in front of the wife or rejecting the only partner who...

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Swing Shift

Wishing your good mood would last forever is a bit like keeping your favorite haircut at the 'ideal length' without it ever growing out!

You see our moods are designed to change constantly, just as hunger is sure to return following the most satisfying meal. It's just a matter of time, and the challenge is how you handle it.

Why are we subject to such fluidity of emotions?

It's not important. Don't worry about it! You see, you can't stop your thoughts, can you? Well, guess where your moods originate… unconscious thinking!

I know, it's a cheeky paradox, but it's the truth. Your moods, feelings and emotions all stem from thoughts flying through your head at any given moment; some you are aware of and most you are not. Just as a seed must always precede the fruit, there is a crucial step in-between. Let's call it the 'trunk.'

If the seed represents our thoughts, the trunk represents our moods or emotions and the fruit is the manifestation of our actions, then it's clear that...

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Opportunity Knocks

I recently had the privilege of teaching undergraduate scholarship students at USC in one of my flagship coaching courses known as "Mastering The Competitive Edge".

Through generous donations made by the Latino Alumni Association (LAA) of USC, many of these young Latinos have been given the opportunity to become the first generation in their families to attend University and become true leaders in their communities.

Of the thousands of students I've been blessed to facilitate over the years, these scholars touched me with their self-awareness, ambition, humility and desire to make a real difference.

My mission was to prepare them for life beyond academics, fraternity rushing and Trojan rallies. To provide them with life skills and augment their tool kits, so they'd be ready to tackle the workforce by storm. My sense is that if there is to be a demographic to defy the statistics of unemployment and reduce the 1 trillion dollars in outstanding student loans in the US, this would be...

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Fear of Success… Not!

There's no such thing as fear of success... it's the fear of failing once you succeed!

Fear sucks. It literally sucks all our ambition, confidence and trust into a black hole we come to know as our self-esteem.

I was once grocery shopping, pleasantly minding my own business when all of a sudden, I noticed an acquaintance standing at the end of the aisle, pondering spaghetti sauces. How intrusive... this is my supermarket! All at once, I found myself darting down the adjacent aisle, hoping not to have been discovered, just to preserve a few more moments of domestic anonymity.

And all the while, an inner bully taunted me with shudders of rejection and intimate panic at the very notion that I might be 'outed' in an unscripted vulnerable moment of a real life encounter!

As a clinician I was never clear what self-esteem really meant so I looked it up in my Pocket Oxford and it became clear all at once; derived from the Latin verb, aestimare, it means to estimate or compare. Who knew?


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Life - Under Construction!

Personal development is like being under construction; make sure to warn your friends and loved ones that debris will be falling!

I remember seeing those apartment buildings in the San Fernando Valley surrounded by wire fences following the aftermath of the 1994 Northridge earthquake, thinking it was such a powerful metaphor for the process we tend to undergo in therapy and coaching.

The shaken tenants had to endure the discomfort and inconvenience of being relocated during retrofitting and reconstruction, in much the same way as we go through the difficulty of being inspected by our coaches, shrinks and sponsors, on admitting our need for help.

Get Ready For Rubble...

Just as the plaster and ornate facades are stripped off the cracked walls and ceilings revealing the brick and dry wall posts beneath, so goes the way of our ego, grandiosity and character flaws into the dumpster!

As many of you know, it’s not pretty...There’s rubble, dirt and muddy puddles everywhere we...

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The Art of Negotiation I and II

USC MAAA presents a new 2-part seminar series with Jamie Greene on The Art of Negotiation.

Learn ways to embrace challenges in the workplace and overcome any fears of confrontation and conflict. You will discover the most essential quality of a good negotiator and learn techniques that you can take home with you and implement immediately.

Topics include:

The 10 Basics of Negotiating
Conflict Resolution with Challenging Personalities
Managerial Courage
C-P-R Technology (Context-Purpose-Results)
Managers vs. Leaders

Date: Thursday, August 12th & 19th 2010
Time: 7:00pm -9:00pm
Location: USC Mark Taper Hall (THH) 116

Please call USC MAAA office (213) 740 4735


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