The Merits of a Successful Divorce

Is there such a thing as a divorce being a success? Well there really is and I don't mean who ends up with more bang for their buck in court or who walks away with less custody arrangement. I'm talking about a mature completion of a relationship.

I've always said that divorce does not screw up kids. Kids are very resourceful, they like two of everything, no problem; two houses, two sets of X-box, not a problem. It's really the maturity or lack of maturity between the parents that can potentially do the damage. So, if you've got two people who are really destructive, angry, resentful, bitter, talking crap about each other to the kids – all of the no-nos, clearly that's not going to be very successful.

See You In Court!

So what does it mean to be a success? I certainly don't mean to make light of this or minimize the impact of it but what it really comes down to is the honoring of that relationship. I've spent many years helping couples go through this process because, let's...

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Risking Disapproval

It's tough living in our heads.

I see so many people seeking approval from people they barely respect or don't even admire.

What on earth is motivating them?

There's a certain tedium in plowing through your dilemmas alone. No one to burden with our inner struggles over crucial decisions.

Libra's know what I'm talking about.

We all want to do the right thing. Make the right move. Be triumphant.

But there's no substitute for taking risks.

How would we ever figure out who we are if we didn't stand for something?

Stop cheating the system and thinking that you're going to get away with the risk of disapproval.

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Why Women Test Men

The "battle of the sexes" would appear to be alive and thriving in our homes, businesses and communities. I use the term battle loosely as I believe there to be a big misconception about the function and purpose of conflict between men and women.

How Dare You...

Many of the men I coach express frustration at the endless testing they receive from their wives or girlfriends and even become insulted that the tests do not stop. Well, it's no wonder they are further aggravated to learn from me that the tests are not supposed to stop! Hmmm.

It's an important re-frame and perspective shift I give men and I feel it would be helpful to clue the ladies in on exactly why we welcome your tests.

Picture a wintry scene with the first snow fall covering the ground and a small pond frozen over at the end of the garden. Your small children excitedly run to try their best figure of eights, but you grab them by the scruff of the neck and urgently yell "Hold on there kids - not so fast!!"

As their ...

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Clearing The Fog

If you were ever to find yourself at the cliff's edge on a foggy day, so thick you could barely see your hand in front of your face, and you realized that your next step would plunge you on to the rocks below - and in the next instant the fog cleared... wouldn't you instantly know what action to take?

Maybe you've become confused or disenchanted bythe empty promises of spiritual pathways, eager to change your life circumstance, plagued by fear and regret of missed opportunities or at a crossroads in your life and unsure which fork to take.

As your personal coach, I am available to do one-on-one private sessions and serve as your personal guide to help you make courageous decisions and changes in your life.

When the fog clears, we see vistas and landscapes that purge any fear, doubt, confusion or hesitation

If you feel the fog closing in around you and you're ready to move away from the cliff's edge, I honor you for your bravery to open your heart and mind to the landscape about to...

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Well, Excuse Me!

Were you one of those kids who had to ask to be excused at the dinner table? I bet you're still looking for permission to be happy, make more money, please your boss and speak your truth. Do yourself a favor... excuse yourself!

It's tough living in our heads. Self-validation feels so corny and unsatisfying compared to full fledged approval from our friends, family and cohorts. I see so many people seeking approval from those they barely respect or admire and I wonder what on earth motivates them?

If you don't care for the poor soul you are seeking attention from then at least allow them the right to scowl at you, dislike your fashion sense, hairstyle, recent blog post or updates on Facebook. What's the worst that could happen? They think you have lousy taste? They wouldn't choose that halter top from BCBG, let alone put it together with the skirt from DKNY?

We seem to have an acceptable double standard when it comes to taste and style. We reserve the right to reject advances from...

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Opportunity Knocks

I recently had the privilege of teaching undergraduate scholarship students at USC in one of my flagship coaching courses known as "Mastering The Competitive Edge".

Through generous donations made by the Latino Alumni Association (LAA) of USC, many of these young Latinos have been given the opportunity to become the first generation in their families to attend University and become true leaders in their communities.

Of the thousands of students I've been blessed to facilitate over the years, these scholars touched me with their self-awareness, ambition, humility and desire to make a real difference.

My mission was to prepare them for life beyond academics, fraternity rushing and Trojan rallies. To provide them with life skills and augment their tool kits, so they'd be ready to tackle the workforce by storm. My sense is that if there is to be a demographic to defy the statistics of unemployment and reduce the 1 trillion dollars in outstanding student loans in the US, this would be...

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The Money Shot

When editing the movie of your life, it's much more costly to 'fix it in post'...
Take the time to go through the tedium of getting the right shot up front
So many of us tend to seek help after the fact. We dispatch emergency teams within moments to put out fires, although it takes months to build fire roads and install sprinkler systems. We marvel that the wedding party seemed to last 5 minutes, yet the planning was the most stressful 6 months imaginable. It took years to build the twin towers and we all watched in horror as they fell to ground zero in seconds.
And so it is with life…
There is an inherent tediousness in acquiring experience, seniority, mastery, graduate degrees, internships and apprenticeships. It takes so much of our time, investment, college funds, student loans, sleepless Red Bull nights, manic episodes and tears of frustration. The failed tests, haunting grades, fluctuating GPA's, dropped classes, psychotic room mates, lecherous professors, unstable...
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Fear of Successā€¦ Not!

There's no such thing as fear of success... it's the fear of failing once you succeed!

Fear sucks. It literally sucks all our ambition, confidence and trust into a black hole we come to know as our self-esteem.

I was once grocery shopping, pleasantly minding my own business when all of a sudden, I noticed an acquaintance standing at the end of the aisle, pondering spaghetti sauces. How intrusive... this is my supermarket! All at once, I found myself darting down the adjacent aisle, hoping not to have been discovered, just to preserve a few more moments of domestic anonymity.

And all the while, an inner bully taunted me with shudders of rejection and intimate panic at the very notion that I might be 'outed' in an unscripted vulnerable moment of a real life encounter!

As a clinician I was never clear what self-esteem really meant so I looked it up in my Pocket Oxford and it became clear all at once; derived from the Latin verb, aestimare, it means to estimate or compare. Who knew?


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Life - Under Construction!

Personal development is like being under construction; make sure to warn your friends and loved ones that debris will be falling!

I remember seeing those apartment buildings in the San Fernando Valley surrounded by wire fences following the aftermath of the 1994 Northridge earthquake, thinking it was such a powerful metaphor for the process we tend to undergo in therapy and coaching.

The shaken tenants had to endure the discomfort and inconvenience of being relocated during retrofitting and reconstruction, in much the same way as we go through the difficulty of being inspected by our coaches, shrinks and sponsors, on admitting our need for help.

Get Ready For Rubble...

Just as the plaster and ornate facades are stripped off the cracked walls and ceilings revealing the brick and dry wall posts beneath, so goes the way of our ego, grandiosity and character flaws into the dumpster!

As many of you know, it’s not pretty...There’s rubble, dirt and muddy puddles everywhere we...

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The Art of Negotiation I and II

USC MAAA presents a new 2-part seminar series with Jamie Greene on The Art of Negotiation.

Learn ways to embrace challenges in the workplace and overcome any fears of confrontation and conflict. You will discover the most essential quality of a good negotiator and learn techniques that you can take home with you and implement immediately.

Topics include:

The 10 Basics of Negotiating
Conflict Resolution with Challenging Personalities
Managerial Courage
C-P-R Technology (Context-Purpose-Results)
Managers vs. Leaders

Date: Thursday, August 12th & 19th 2010
Time: 7:00pm -9:00pm
Location: USC Mark Taper Hall (THH) 116

Please call USC MAAA office (213) 740 4735


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