Our Inner Sabateur

Beware your inner Saboteur: he’s that little bugger who will pull your own rug out, just as you take your final step of the victory lap.

It doesn’t make sense, right? The stunning Super Model who has the world in the palm of her hand while she destroys herself with bulimia and a string of abusive boyfriends. The entrepreneur who throws away millions in a reckless wager in Vegas.
How about the recovering alcoholic with 20 years sobriety under his belt who relapses at his 20 year high school reunion?

Leave your thoughts and questions below. I'd be happy to answer them.

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The Fluidity of Emotions

Wishing your good mood would last forever is a bit like keeping your favorite haircut at the ‘ideal length’ without it ever growing out!

You see our moods are designed to change constantly, just as hunger is sure to return following the most satisfying meal. It’s just a matter of time, and the challenge is how you handle it.

Why are we subject to such fluidity of emotions?

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Beyond Guilt

Say NO to Guilt! It isn’t even a real emotion; it’s as if we feel obliged to take on the feelings of someone close to us who needs us to feel their disappointment.

If there is one suggestion I can make to those of you needlessly suffering with "phantom" feelings of guilt... let it go - FAST! Whether you have a Jewish mum or a Baptist father, a needy room mate or co-dependent enabler, a stalking ex- or whining dog on the couch, DO NOT GET SUCKED IN!!

There seem to be many heavily-laden associations with guilt that we should understand before wholeheartedly succumbing to it.

Who taught us to feel responsible for their own disappointments? Who told us what we should be feeling or how we ought to respond? It's not necessarily just our parents or grandparents. We learned it from TV shows, movies, novels, Police Officers, Headmasters, Sergeant Majors and Referees.

Disapproving Look

It's in that "disapproving look" and dismissive turn of the head. The stern, harsh glance away and squint of the...

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Why Women Test Men

The "battle of the sexes" would appear to be alive and thriving in our homes, businesses and communities. I use the term battle loosely as I believe there to be a big misconception about the function and purpose of conflict between men and women.

How Dare You...

Many of the men I coach express frustration at the endless testing they receive from their wives or girlfriends and even become insulted that the tests do not stop. Well, it's no wonder they are further aggravated to learn from me that the tests are not supposed to stop! Hmmm.

It's an important re-frame and perspective shift I give men and I feel it would be helpful to clue the ladies in on exactly why we welcome your tests.

Picture a wintry scene with the first snow fall covering the ground and a small pond frozen over at the end of the garden. Your small children excitedly run to try their best figure of eights, but you grab them by the scruff of the neck and urgently yell "Hold on there kids - not so fast!!"

As their ...

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The Nuisance of Surrender

We are too busy trying to control the things we have no business controlling and relinquishing control where we have absolute domination.

As an admitted control freak myself, I feel fully qualified to expound on the trials and tribulations of life's greatest paradox...

The more controlling we are, the less we trust and feel at peace!

Come to think of it, I don't believe I know anyone who isn't somewhat controlling. Consider the agitated freeway driver who adamantly refuses to let you in to his lane from the on-ramp, or the nervous blind date companion who repeatedly calls the maître d' to confirm his reservation in the back patio, by the twinkly lights, but not too close to the noisy street!

How about your movie buddy who always orders the tickets ahead to save from selling out, only for you to realize that you never manage to get to see the movies you like! (Ok, that one was me)

Then there's the landlord who only accepts cashier's checks to his PO Box, the neighbor who...

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Take My Wife, Please!

In my work as a relationship coach, I’m often reminded of the absurdity of celebrity and the obsession we have with idealizing their every move.

From TMZ to Dish Nation, we see dodgy tabloid headlines of failed celeb marriages that barely get out of the gate. It’s like watching a car crash in slow motion, as we line the streets for the Grand Prix of relationship chaos!

I’ve been a licensed therapist and coach in Los Angeles for over 25 years, so you can imagine the marital carnage I’ve witnessed. In the late 90’s I was referred an A-list actor who struggled with extreme anxiety and panic attacks. I managed to get him back up and running and he gratefully referred me a few of his angst-ridden A-lister friends and before you know it I had a reputation for discretely taking care of the rich and famous.

The irony of all of this is that most celebrities, in my experience, are the worst possible examples to serve as mentors for all matters of relationship!...

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Curse of The Unavailable Man (A Knight To Forget!)

Ever feel like a damsel in distress lying in wait for your knight only for him to be too busy shining his armor? Have I got some tips for all of you choosing unavailable men...

It must be the most consistent trait I see in virtually every woman I have counseled; choosing Sir Lacks-a-lot!

(As you'll soon see, this phenomenon equally applies to many of my gay friends)

It's as if there's some kind of medieval dormant gene in your psyche that summons forth the Barren Knight to awaken. Of course, you don't see this most elusive hidden quality in yourselves, let alone your suitors, but you'll agree that it's a self-defeating pattern that always ends in tears.

Let's understand this nasty ancient curse.

An honest fair maiden eagerly awaits her soul mate to sweep her off her feet and over the threshold, only to discover that her knight is merely passing through, en route to his next joust. So many gauntlets... but few hands that fit. You would have thought that his iron-clad armor was enough...

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Lasting Impressions of 9/11

With all the violence and blood shed in the world right now, it’s no wonder we are becoming more and more traumatized by the images on our screens.

With the recent passing of the 13th anniversary of 9/11, thinking back to the hundreds of times we all watched the planes careening into the twin towers, those are images that we might never wipe clean from our minds.


Such is the nature of trauma with its 'repetition-compulsion’ impact on our psyche. Whether it be images of violence or...

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The Two Deaths of Comedy

I've no doubt that you’ve been as shocked as I have by the recent tragic losses of such icons as Joan Rivers and Robin Williams. What it brings up for many of us is how surreal life is that we can be here one minute and gone the next. Rather than this be a fearful morbid thought, it can also inspire an appreciation of life… of a life well lived. It's an opportunity to reflect on a thought:



Are we impacting people the way that these icons did (not necessarily on the same scale but with the same intention). Are we living fully? Are we really appreciating everything that we have and being...

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Clearing The Fog

If you were ever to find yourself at the cliff's edge on a foggy day, so thick you could barely see your hand in front of your face, and you realized that your next step would plunge you on to the rocks below - and in the next instant the fog cleared... wouldn't you instantly know what action to take?

Maybe you've become confused or disenchanted bythe empty promises of spiritual pathways, eager to change your life circumstance, plagued by fear and regret of missed opportunities or at a crossroads in your life and unsure which fork to take.

As your personal coach, I am available to do one-on-one private sessions and serve as your personal guide to help you make courageous decisions and changes in your life.

When the fog clears, we see vistas and landscapes that purge any fear, doubt, confusion or hesitation

If you feel the fog closing in around you and you're ready to move away from the cliff's edge, I honor you for your bravery to open your heart and mind to the landscape about to...

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